Prior to the "Understanding Learning in the Online Environment" module that I undertook last semester, I had used Delicious and Connotea as my principle web services for collecting, storing and sharing bookmarks, news articles and journal articles with my colleagues and interested parties.

On the module, Hamish Macleod suggested that we might like to create a Diigo account to share any bookmarks and resources around how learning could be facilitated through an online environment. The tool is very easy to use and allows you to create lists and groups. I had created a list for the learning challenge that I was undertaking at the time. I am now using Diigo to collect, store, compile and share on anything pertaining with gaming and, in particular, game-based learning - this collection can be found at the following address: http://www.diigo.com/list/heywayne/gaming

This is the first week of the "Introduction to Digital Game-based Learning" module. Over the next 12 weeks, we will be exploring the world of digital games in terms of ideas, concepts, issues and controversies and in particular how games can aid with the learning process - what lessons can be learnt if any? I do believe that exploration and play are the building blocks of learning.

But before we begin our adventure into the realm of gaming and the gamer-learner, we must start with that time old tradition of storytelling - the back story or rather my back story which will provide some historical context to my relationship and engagements with games.

I was never fond of traditional sports like football or rugby and as such a lot of my peers felt that I must be a misfit or something. But I did enjoy games that were created from my own imagination involving LEGO, Meccano and toy figures. This extended to the traditional board games like "Cludeo" (a personal favourite), chess, draughts, "monopoly", "snakes and ladders" (another favourite) which I played with friends and family - so the socialisation of game playing became an important aspect for me. I was very keen (and still am) on "Top Trumps" and other card games like poker, 21 and cribbage.

By the time I reached my teens, this would be the 1980s with the advent of the arcade games, like "Pac Man" (another favourite), "Asteroids" and "Breakout" and some of the earlier computer games. I owned a Binatone TV Master that played a number of rudimentary games like "Pong" and "Tennis", this was later superceded with an Acorn Electron which ran a version of BBC BASIC and allowed me to play such games as "Repton" and the near legendary "Elite" which made use of wireframe technology and was one of the first games to make use of the "back story" in the form of a mini novel. At college, I had become hooked on the game version of Douglas Adams' "The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy", which was a text-based role playing game (it has since been updated by a friend of mine who went to the same college and was a collaborator of Douglas Adams).

However, these early games soon lost their appeal on me as that all important socialisation factor was missing - while some people could be engaged with the competitive nature of trying to beat the computer it lacked the camaraderie. I became aware of the role playing game genre or RPG that involved creating characters and becoming them to be able to perform a range a series of tasks or activites usually within fantastical settings that required creativity, imagination and team work. The RPG that I enjoyed the most was based upon H.P. Lovecraft's stories and was called "Call of Cthulhu". What struck me the most about this game was the narratory skills of "The Keeper" which, if played well, was atmospheric and damn-right scary - here you were completely immersed with the story and the character which you are playing. Whilst there were a load of game-based resources for this game, I had preferred to create my own "Call of Cthulhu" scenarios inspired by the works of Lovecraft, Poe, Conan Doyle, Christie and such like - if only the Internet was available at the time.

In the mid 1990s which saw the rise of the Internet within the Higher Education sector, I had developed a SF / murder mystery game called "Murder on the Aurora" which was developed using HTML and Javascript and was created to help new users to the World Wide Web get to grips with this new, emergent technology.

Whilst I don't own a Wii, X-box or any of the PlayStation variants, I have become interested in the alternate reality game or ARG phenomena which have been made popular by TV shows like "Lost", "Spooks", "Heroes" and "Torchwood - again, this plays heavily on story telling and having the gamer to "live out" the role.

That's my "back story", so let the adventure begin...

This is the first day of this blog and the Research Methods Course and I've also decided to keep a private journal just in relation to the dissertation.  I'll start that today too.  I think this means that my other blog (in Blogger) has to go for now! I don't want to spend so much time reflecting on what I'm doing that I'm not actually doing anything.

But the proliferation of reflection and discussion places is getting me to think about readership/audience.  I like the idea that one (possibly the main) reader is my future self - and that's easier when the blog isn't assessed. So I want to record what's uppermost on my mind in relation to being a student and how that affects what I do as well as who I feel I am.  But this isn't in isolation - the concurrent readership forms the community and context and I am likely to be their readers too.  This is where it differs from my public blog on Blogger, at least as it is to date.

And I want to make my blogs more stimulating for a reader too - so I need to work on that, in particular with more links and visuals.  Perhaps I'll start with a new photo; people will start to see I've been using the same photo for two years.

But for this first day, I'm just checking that it works and I can edit on it etc.  A bit like the digital equivalent of sharpening pencils and smoothing out page 1 of the notebook.  As far as research is concerned, I'm thinking about the online use of language shaping courses in a different way - and that does include non-use of language too.  But it's still very open.

I thought I would make my final blog post a reflection on the blog itself, using as a starting point the following mid-course feedback:

*Reflection - You are demonstrating sustained reflection on the course content and its application to your professional (and personal) practice.

*Regularity - You are posting reasonably regularly, and your postings are all substantial.

*Knowledge and understanding – You’re demonstrating a good understanding of the technologies and ideas introduced. You could engage more critically with the course readings. How do they impact on the way you understand the technologies, experiences and ideas you’ve come across in the course?

*Writing style – is excellent, making for an engaging read. Your use of the blog format (inclusion of pics, formatting etc) is above and beyond!

My update

Reflection: I initially had the rather simplistic sense that the purpose blog was to demonstrate the reflective learning that was going on in my head (look teacher I’ve been good, gold star please). I think this is because that is the kind of learner I was in a traditional classroom setting (waaay back), a quick to learn / eager to please type, and I fell into the same groove.  However the process of blogging caught up and took over and I found that the nature of the reflection sparked deeper reflection, which in turn led me deeper still.  I reread my posts and see them evolve – it is very satisfying.  Each post draws me in further.  I get a comment, I respond to the comment – either in the comment form, in a subsequent post, in a discussion board exploration or simply mentally.  It is a rather lovely process that is far more complex than it seems at first glance. I am still worried that I am not “academic enough” but I can see I am growing and have more confidence in my potential.  I am looking forward to the journey - which is good, cos at one course per semester it’s going to be a long one.

Regularity:  The regularity of the posts has been mainly down to prioritization / time management.  If I have had time I have posted.  The course as a whole lost me for a couple of weeks when I had to do my local tutor duties (ironically I am the F2F component of someone else’s online learning experience) and this took my attention and energy for a while.  It was a two week hiatus because I had a week of tasks and it took me another week to get back “in” to IDEL.  I read in the handbook that it was a good idea to check in daily and I can’t agree enough how essential that is.  It seems excessive but it is key to maintaining emotional contact as well as keeping up to date with discussion board posts etc. 

Another thing that I think affected my regularity was my struggle with style.  I felt I had to post fully “formed” thoughts, rather than fragments:

And I realised in that discussion that part of the reason I hadn’t posted as regularly as I had intended was the sense that I had to have a fully rounded thought before I could voice it. I wasn’t satisfied with posting fragments on my blog. I think this is because of my experience with blogging & reading blogs generally is of completed ideas being presented. Basically I am trying to use my blog as a canvas as opposed to a sketch pad. I think I will try and change that to see how it feels.

Well I tried, but I wasn’t satisfied.  I like to explore my ideas to some form of conclusion.  There is nothing final about them, a comment can reopen the topic (as I discussed above) and lead to new avenues.  But I couldn’t post fragments, and each post I made felt like a full piece of work.  It did mean I wasn’t able to post as frequently, but that (combined with time diverted into reading, discussion board posting, playing with the various web2.0 gizmos) was a compromise I felt more than happy to make.

Knowledge and understanding:  Your feedback here was very useful. I made an effort to “engage more critically with the course readings” and I felt the quality of my reflection go up a notch.  I was reading in the first part of the course, but I wasn’t doing the hard work of dissecting or digesting the readings.  It was more a case of reading and ticking it off my ‘to do’ list.  I think this was a symptom of simply being rusty with the process, but once I made a start on breaking down my reading (and simple things like highlighting key points / interest, adding comments to think about) the change in the level of my engagement was very satisfying.

Writing style: This is something that has amused me privately and I intend to touch on in it my final assignment.  For some reason, even though I knew this blog was an intimate tête-à-tête with my tutor the very nature of the medium caused me to post as if I was talking to the world (I’m bloggin’ to cyberspace innit?).  Therefore I tried to make every post not only useful to me (as a record of my learning process) and to you (to show you where I am in my learning process) but also interesting and entertaining.  Maybe I was trying to keep you coming back, to woo you.  It just happened, and I enjoyed it, so I went with it.  I have a story that illustrates a little of the compulsion:

A (True) Story

Friends of mine went on holiday to Southern Thailand.  They picked a bad week and it was raining and miserable (it’s not always blue skies and palm trees).  As they were trudging down a road sharing an umbrella they saw a stretch limo parked outside a 5-star hotel, so they paused wondering who had access to such ostentatious luxury.  At that moment the lobby doors flew open and a slew of bodyguards trotted out followed by…

*dramatic pause*

Bill Clinton!

They stood there with their mouths respectfully open as he jogged down the stairs to the waiting limo and as he was about to get in he looked up at them. They did the only thing that it is reasonable to do in that situation which is grin like a pair of fools and wave madly at him.  He beamed and waved back, but as he raised his hand must have been seized by his presidential alter ego because he gave them the full works, turned slightly to the left, then to the right waving and smiling as if confronted with a substantial and appreciative crowd.  My friends were a little embarrassed for Bill because they were in fact the only people in the street, but they puffed up a bit in order to try and give him the sense of ‘public’ that he so obviously needed.

So Clara (and world) thanks for being so many things, IDEL tutor, support, friend and audience of millions.  I have enjoyed it thoroughly and learned far more than I expected.  

Let’s do it again sometime.

Ok there is some quirky thing going on here.  I type my post in the form, start editing it and in the process of formatting hit some hot key that means "back" and the page goes back... and I lose my post.  I know I should save it.  I have a slow learning curve on this one - but what makes it so frustrating is it happens when I have finished... and all I am doing it bolding / italicising / adding images.  *weeps*

In the words of Commander Riker:

Prensky's terminology has been much discussed on the board so I will only allude to it here, of more interest to me is his underlying theme of using games for learning.  This seems to be his ultimate raison d'etre allthough google Prensky's name and the 'immigrant' v 'native' debate is what is thrown up, more from a fortuitous choice of vocabulary - that were to become buzz words for an assumed divide - rather than from an original theory based on research.  Anyway, Prensky on games:

A frequent objection I hear from Digital Immigrant educators is “this approach is great for facts, but it wouldn't work for "my subject.” Nonsense. This is just rationalization and lack of imagination. In my talks I now include “thought experiments” where I invite professors and teachers to suggest a subject or topic, and I attempt– on the spot – to invent a game or other Digital Native method for learning it. Classical philosophy? Create a game in which the philosophers debate and the learners have to pick out what each would say. The Holocaust? Create a simulation where students role-play the meeting at Wannsee, or one where they can experience the true horror of the camps, as opposed to the films like Schindler’s List.

The holocaust reference jumped out at me as a really tacky way to make a point, so I googled it - and you know what?

Eternity's Child Creator Attempts to Tackle the Holocaust

Yes, somebody did, and for educational purposes too:

Luc Bernard, the mind behind the upcoming Wii-Ware title Eternity's Child is already hard at work on a new and what is sure to be a very controversial game or the DS. Imagination Is The Only Escape is the story of a young Jewish boy living in France during the occupation by the Nazis in World War II. In order to escape the horrors around him, he imagines a fantasy land that becomes the basis of the game's world. The adventure platformer will attempt to educate players on the atrocities experienced by many children during the time of the Holocaust.

Here is a screen shot of the game:

Not that this validates Prensky's argument, or makes his parlour trick, I'm sorry, 'thought experiment' more impressive.  It just surprised me that the concept of a holocaust game, which struck me as a (rarely) inappropriate use of a game in education was actually on the market for that very purpose.  Maybe Bernard read Presnky.

Who did Prensky read?  John Perry Barlow's A Declaration of Independance of Cyberspace (1996) maybe?

You are terrified of your own children, since they are natives in a world where you will always be immigrants [my italics]. Because you fear them, you entrust your bureaucracies with the parental responsibilities you are too cowardly to confront yourselves. In our world, all the sentiments and expressions of humanity, from the debasing to the angelic, are parts of a seamless whole, the global conversation of bits. We cannot separate the air that chokes from the air upon which wings beat.

How long has this face-off between impotent un-plugged adults (parents, teachers) and potent wired kids been going on? Since the 60's? Or did it all begin with Oedipus Rex?

Anyway, I am not going to accept the label of immigrant (and I am certainly too old to be a native) because almost all of my experience with technology in learning and teaching has shown me that you cannot measure technological skill against a demographic like age, social class or even economic background, it is too complex.  Rodger's (now rather dated) Innovation / Adoption curve is more meaningful in explaining those who embrace and those who are repelled by web technologies in an educational context, and explains why many 'immigrant' aged educator / innovators embrace what 'native' aged student / laggards avoid.

Turning 'it' (learning) into a game has been the bread and butter of EFL teachers for at least 20 years.   But often the aim has been no more ambitious than to motivate students to remain engaged through for the duration of a single lesson, rather than the kind of Weschean 'pervasive' engagement we touched upon in our Second Life chat, edited extracts below:

Hirondelle Sciarri: I suppose the interactive aspect of web 2.0 is key to engagement

Dagma Kiranov: 'the narrative must become pervasive in the learning environment' Welsch

Klara Otsuka: Again i think we need to think about we use a word like "enagement" - we're not just saying activity, we're saying really committing (as Dagma said very much earlier) to something

Hirondelle Sciarri: yes, engaging.... meaning contributing, buying in, negotiating content

Klara Otsuka: also - that kind of engaging usually has a social element - which I think we can draw even from our own course is quite key at times to learning!

Marieiram Dubrovna: i really liked the concept of the students then taking over with their learning, even covering topics outside his knowledge

Marieiram Dubrovna: and him being in a wondefully awkward place

Klara Otsuka: So - if we had appropriate support, and engaging, meaningful, technologically appropriate materials - would it matter if our students were "native" or "digital"?

Allowing ourselves as educators to divide our intention to inspire into 60 minute game filled chunks is just as much of a crime as digital (illegal?) immigrancy - and, from my frequent observations of the EFL classroom, far more commonplace. What is the purpose of the games, role-plays and simulations that Prensky proposes? Are they to enable our students to discover or create content for themselves? Or tools to glam up rote learning and memorisation of facts? Even with simulation and role play allowing for some student creativity games, unless supported by a holistic and fully realised (by the teacher and student) learning purpose, are often merely useful accessories. 

In my centre just gave our students a questionnaire to gather feedback on a variety of areas, from classroom management to use of technology.  Feedback has been, on the whole, positive - however our students score us consistently poorly on two points:  'The lessons on the course link together well', and 'I am making progress on the course'.  This I feel is because we approach our teaching from a discrete lesson to discrete lesson perspective.  I would guess that it is our focus on materials and activities that is behind this.  We create fun and motivating lessons as opposed to enabling fun and motivating learning.

Back to Prensky:

It's just dumb (and lazy) of educators – not to mention ineffective – to presume that (despite their traditions) the Digital Immigrant way is the only way to teach, and that the Digital Native's “language” is not as capable as their own of encompassing any and every idea.

Other than suggesting web2.0 inspired activities, games and speaking 'their' language and the "just do it" language of mass marketing (Nike? Please, that's immigrant footwear I am sure) Prensky highlights a divide and yet seems at a loss as to which methodology will breach it.  The point Prensky misses is that passion for the "subject" combined with a willingness to experiment and take risks (with web2.0 technologies or whatever) with our students is what makes inspirational educators like Michael Wesch so successful.  Wesch's world simulation doesn't work because it is a game, or because Wesch has learnt the lingo (and the gizmos) of his 'native' students. It works because he is passionate; he has worked to understand his learners' holistic needs and developed a personal "anti-teaching" methodology accordingly.  He experiments and learns with them - in a world of digital pirates he is the pirate king.  Web2.0 technologies, the supposed tools of the digital native (though developed by immigrants), with their focus on interaction and collaboration, user generated content and continual revision, process over product are a means of bridging the gap between teacher and learner - such a combination render the boundaries (temporal and spacial) in the native / immigrant divide meaningless.

It all started with rats in space but led to the emergence of natural born cyborgs, at least in Clark's eyes (2003).

I have just finished reading his article 'Cyborgs Unplugged' where a Cyborg, acronym for Cybernetic Organism or Cybernetically Controlled Organism, is described as being an 'entity' which captures the 'notion of human-machine merging' or 'human-machine symbiosis'.

Clark's perspective is that these sort of man-machine link ups exist already without the need for puncture, surgery and implants and that they evolve with such a natural form of integration that most happen invisibly and beneath our level of conscious awareness.

This has generated a little debate on our discussion board about machines which can find cars in car-parks and 'man' and 'specticles' working together to 'extend the brain' - it certainly leads to an interesting perspective and one which I feel we seem more attune with 'socially' or in 'everyday digital life' than 'educationally' at present.

Clark already mentions 'Amazon' (or similar services) and how it tracks an individual's reading habits... 'other people who bought the same book you are looking at have also bought the following.....'

and 'Ebay' like services which track an individual's purchasing habits..... 'you might also be interested in......' or 'do you want to see what other things the seller is selling...'

IPODs and mobile phones allow you to take photos, download personalised music and video choices and transfer treasured possesions like this via blue tooth technology (which I have not quite mastered yet but my kids have!) between friends.

We also see this man-machine integration with FACEBOOK.

Have you noticed the flags for 'mutual friends'? The ones you have 'in common' with those you have listed as friends. Or have you noticed the adverts appearing when you log in? I have skiing as an interest in my profile and I get skiing holidays advertised...... ummmmmm!

At work, the portal I log into recognises my login as staff not student and I get access to information students don't see whilst they get access to information on the courses/modules they are registered on and the faculty they reside in. We all get information on our own library borrowing accounts and records.

I can set up alerts on databases to help me keep track of new material published on areas that interest me or subscribe to RSS feeds to help me keep track of new posts to blogs or websites of interest.

Also cookies on machines also act in the same way I guess, shortening processes or recognising you when you login and therefore you do not have to remember your login .......

As Clark says....

'The more closely the smart world becomes tailored to an individual's specific needs, habits and preferences the harder it will become to tell where a person stops and this tailor-made, co-evolving smart world begins.'

This too, I think will be invisible... not so much for others to see, but how we see ourselves..........

A member of our discussion board recently flagged that they do not like changing computer - as the keyboard and set ups are often different. I don't like it because my cookies are not present or my favourites to hand (unless you use delicious). These are 'intimate' feelings and highlight perhaps the 'functioning of the smart world in intimate harmony with the biological brain' that Clark (2003) is talking about?

Bringing it back educationally - spotted the following.... although this appendage is not terribly invisible......... :~) 'Robodoc'

Clark, A. (2003) Natural born cyborgs: minds, technologies and the future of human intelligence, Oxford: OUP chapter 1, 'Cyborgs unplugged' pp.13-34.

Robodoc. http://www.pbs.org/kcet/wiredscience/ [accessed November 2008]

Six years ago I registered on an online discussion board for fans of Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series.  I had just started reading it and was waiting for the next book, which was to be published in a few months.  I thought joining a fan site would be like a methadone programme... tiding me over until I got my next fix.

In addition to the forums dissecting plot and analysing character there were some text based role-play areas too.  After I had got used to posting (and being ignored as often as not) I stumbled into this area and got involved with an informal roleplay.  I loved it, my D&D character creating self was reborn, and within a couple of months I was a dark and deadly ruler of a an underworldly kingdom of the undead called... er... The Underworld, lol.  I was very circumspect about revealling much about my real-life self.  I preferred to stay in character and keep myself and Hirondelle separate.  It was escape, pure and simple.  

One day a wolf walked into my realm and he introduced himself as Timberwolf guardian of The Woods. He was fun but not at that time a huge role-player; he stayed in character, but didn't really immerse in plot. He would just drop by and say "hi how are you?" and wander back to his woods.  We started messaging and after a long and casual interlude we started to get more intense about our relationship.  We talked more about real life, we were both married, he with kids. Both a bit 'blah' about the state of our RL relationships. 

Falling in love was a slow process, and had little to do with the characters we created, and more to do with discovering the people behind the characters.I saw in him an ideal of what I wanted in a partner.  This scared me initially because I felt I was creating him rather than seeing who he really was.  I also realised that it was possible he was creating himself for me.  We spent a lot of time talking about who we were, and whether or not we were talking to real people of figments of each other's imagination.  It was actually at moments of crisis that we got closer.  When he did or said something that went against my ideal.  When I saw flaws and imperfections I started to believe in him more.  If I had created him (or simply superimposed an imagine on a basic framework) he wouldn't have been such an asshole. The fact that he could be an asshole made him real, and separate from me.  He had more veracity. Which meant I loved him more.

In 2004 Dom's wife asked him for a divorce and we talked for the first time about the possibility of being together.  It took another year or so for me to leave my husband. In September 2005 I moved out of my husband's apartment and in October Dom flew from the US to Thailand to live with me.  Not to visit, but to live. By this time we had talked on the phone for hundreds of hours and IM'd with webcams.  I had gone through phases when I thought I was making a huge mistake / decided he was a serial killer / worried he was just after my money (not that I had much but hey) / gone through every kind of fear imaginable plus worried about the really scary stuff I couldn't even imagine.

You know they say you should tell someone if you are meeting an online friend? And meet in a public place?  I had told no one he even existed.  I was ashamed of leaving my husband, and also afraid I had made a mistake.  By the time he was due to arrive I was almost more ready for my close friends to find my cooling mutilated corpse than to admit that I had met someone online and was willing to start a life with them.  In a world with him and me I had no doubts we were doing the right thing, it was only when I imagined presenting this to other people did I get antsy.

Anyway, we met for the first time in Bangkok Airport on October 9th and I took him back to our new home to start being forever together (whether that was 50 minutes or 50 years I didn't know, but I had a strong suspicion it was going to be the latter). 

It was a wonderful unusual experience knowing someone so well (we had talked about everything, he knew more about me than anyone I had ever met... because the "distance" of online communication, can make you feel safe and more able to be honest than face to face conversations) and yet not knowing them at all.  Honesty and openness is the cornerstone of our relationship.  I think that is thanks to the nature of the early days of our affair.  We see friends who have all these secrets (small and large) from their partners and we marvel at how that can be acceptable to them.  But obviously that is how we were too in our previous relationships.

I am not saying online relationships are better, but I do think there are lessons to be learned from that form of communication.  In order to be intimate and to have faith in the truth of your interlocuter (or lover) you need to make everything explicit. You cannot assume.  You cannot use body language or facial experession as a litmus test for honesty. Every fear I had, I discussed with him until it was gone.  I never second guessed what he was thinking.  I asked.  I clarified his meaning far more than I would have face to face. I asked (and answered) very deeply personal questions that I would never have had the courage to ask (or answer) if he were sitting in front of me.

In the course of our relationship I came to dislike to the distinction between real and online because what I had found online was far more real than anything I had experienced in my everyday existence.  I began to think in terms of authentic and inauthentic experiences... a value that I felt transcended the mode or medium of communication. 

The authenticity that Dom and I found in our online romance we have worked hard to maintain in our offline, real-life, flesh and blood love affair.  And I think we are happier and wiser for it.

Bitch, Meredith Brooks

Thinking about identity and ego in Second Life I was reminded of Meredith Brooks' song Bitch and the line "I'm a little bit of everything all rolled into one".  I reflected that our avatar, although they may deviate from our actual physical reality can be used to reflect some of our inner complexity - and therefore rather than being deceptive or illusory actually help us to give a truer picture of who we really are than we can through the limitations of our physical 'meatselves'. 

These led me to experiment with a few images inspired by the song lyrics (plus a few more that appealed to me).  This is post is a photo journey of that experiment, and some thoughts that arose from it.

When I first got got interested in Second Life I had an avatar that resembled me more closely than the one I have used throughout our tutorials. Like me this avatar is a freckly redhead:

I enjoyed this look as I like to imagine it is how I would look if I layed off the chocolate and went to the gym.

I experimented with making her fatter too, in the interests of truth.  But I couldn't get the dimensions right, and none of my clothes would fit properly (just like real life).  I have since found you can buy chubby shapes, but I wasn't so interested in the pursuit of veracity that I was willing to pay money for flab that I would pay money to lose in reality.  So I learnt to love the slim me and have faith that in a world of beautiful people having a beautiful you isn't a lie, simply a fantasy.

However there was still something not quite right about my self image, and the feelings I had when I saw myself in SL.  I realised that it was in a sense because I had used the name Hirondelle.  Hirondelle was the first screen name I ever had online and has become my favourite online name.  In the early days she was a character I  created in 2004 for a text based role-play, and although I have stopped role-playing this character (except for a few brief cameos when her public demand it) she has (just like Gee's Bead Bead) evolved an indentity and personality quite distinct from mine.  She is a cruel and demanding Goddess of an underworld realm.  Physically tall and slim racially between European and Asian - her human self had hailed from a medieval kingdom which is now modern Uzbekistan.  One day I decided to try and replicate how I had imagined her and came up with the look I used in the tutorials (albiet in modern clothes). So on to the song:

I'm a Bitch

Oddly I felt far more comfortable in this skin than I did in the freckly red-head one.  I wasn't treading a fine line between me and fantasy any more; I had plunged headlong into the pool of make believe, and it was a relief.  I felt far more honest.

In this picture Hiro is curled up next to a dragon, symbolising her mythical inheritance.  Her clothes - buckle strewn pvc - recall her warrior past and express a kinky streak that we share.

I'm a Saint

Inspired by Klara, she tried on wings - going for angel rather than fairy:

I'm a Sinner

And the opposite of angel is:

I'm a Goddess on my knees

Sticking with the Brooks song I played with the line "I'm a goddess on my knees" and rather than going for a deific goddess, I opted for a Hollywood interpretation with a nice little Marilyn Monroe frock.  I was trying for 'coyly sexy' but when she knelt her stocking clad legs poked through the prims - which kind of put paid to a pretense of demure.  My boyfriend loved it by the way.

I'm a child

This just made me a wee bit too uncomfortable, which tells me that fantasy can only give us a limited license to deviate away from our real life moral compass.       

I'm a mother

Now my reaction to this pregnant Hirondelle was interesting, and shows again how no matter how far we move from our physical reality we are still to be found lurking under the skin.  In real life I have been trying, unsuccessfully to get pregnant for a couple of years.  The sight of Hiro in a form that (sometimes painfully) eludes me was even more uncomfortable than the sailor suit.  I felt sick, and wore the look for the amount of time it took to get a picture and then tore ot off (metaphorically speaking) with a huge sigh of relief.  

I'm a Lover

I have lived in South East Asia (Singapore & Thailand) for most of my adult life and I am a real lover of all things Asian.  So i chose to play with a few Asian Hirondelle's rather than a more conventional romantic look (maybe this is because I get enough chance to play the romantic lover in real life that I don't feel the need to represent it in a virtual sense).  Having been surrounded by slender Asian women and feeling like a pale, freckly sack of potatoes in comparison I found these versions oddly theraputic.  Yes I would love to be able to carry off a Kimono or a Sompot Suit in real life, but I can't and I am old enough, and suffiently at peace with my limitations to be satisfied with admiring this particular style of grace in others. But these three images were lots of fun to create and the Vietnamese Ao Dai is now may favourite SL outfit, I may even wear it to the next tutorial.

Japanese Hiro, stomping in someone's beautiful Zen gravel.

Thai Hiro. If you are wondering about the startled look she is thinking "I can't believe you made me turn my back on the Buddha".

Vietnamese Hiro, and her lovely Ao Dai.

And aside from off the wall therapy for eductators what use is this reflection for an educational context?  In 'Learning and identity' Gee explores how a projective identity as experienced in virtual world game playing can, when taken into the classroom can help make students more successful ('leaner as scientist').  I think exploring who we are as people is essential to success at everything yet so many people lack the skills to be sufficiently reflective.  They are too close to their subject, so immersed in their issues.  Having an avatar self forces you to face questions of ego.  A friend was a poor test taker, the nerves and stress of an exam made him panic and throw up a block which impeded his academic success throughout his school career.  As an adult facing yet another test situation he realised that he had fallen into the trap of regression back to his school self, and in so doing had made a choice to continue to be a bad test taker.  This realisation helped him overcome his fear, and take his first successful test in his life.  I think a virtual self can make this process more efficient.  The personal risk is shifted to one side enough to allow experimentation.  The learner is then able to decide how much their virtual and real selves align and share the lessons learned.

My brief foray into alternate selves I didn't even try and experiment with non-human selves, but even in these limited shape and style changes I learnt a lot about myself.  Yet I don't think I have at any point been deceitful, all of my Hirondelle's (even the sailor-suited Lolita) are an aspect of me.  I am in all honesty 'a little bit of everything, all rolled into one' as are we all.

I find it hard to explain how touched I was by Michael Wesch's An anthrolopological introduction to You Tube.  It had me in tears three times:  the first was right at the beginning with the wonderful Gary "Numa, Numa" Brolsma, whose video according to Gary Walker "single handedly justifies the existance of webcams".  He is the first ambassador of "a new cultural order". I actually was part of that first wave of sharing that celebratory video.  I remember - startled by its joyous power - sending it to many friends, including one guy who had just quit his job and was suffering one of those life "why am I here?" moments of existential angst.  I told him "watch this video, it will change your life" and he replied "I have watched it over for about an hour, I love him.  Thank you - suddenly everything seems ok, I have even started to learn the dance".

The second moment of teary joy was over Juan Mann's Free Hugs camapaign. Here I recognised myself as an educator.  The first time I got a group of students to create a community blog it's name was Towards World Peace etc.  I had a group of bright but fractured Thai Teens and the blog brought them together and created a creative energy that transcended by far the original English language learning dynamic and became an essential connection for living life.  Wesch mentions, in relation to Mann's video, the sense of "people trying to reconnect with humanity in some profound way"and this spirit is what both myself and my partner are about as educators (and personally as an educational manager).  The lesson content is almost incidental, the empowerment and relationships (student/student, student/teacher and ultimately student/world) is what drives me.

Final tearful moment was with bnessel1973 who said, "Some people have said that the videos we have made on You Tube should be created in hopes to change the world. I've made mine to help me live in it".  Once more that is a powerful message for me as an educator - almost a mission statement.  If I can use the tools of web2.0 to help people live in the world, I will be happy.

A final whimsical connection: As I watched the Wesch's video and experienced that surge of emotion I was reminded of a very early memory. Watching the TV advertisement for Coca Cola from the early 70's (hey I was 3 or 4 years old, I was allowed to be cheesey).  Unburdened by distrust of marketing and a dislike of multinationals (cynicism came later) I used to watch it and want so bad to stand on that hill and sing with them.  I think (judgement on the tooth rotting product aside) there is a spirit in that clip that lives on in the best of our web2.0 connections.  We will always yearn to connect and embrace the learning and growth comes through those connections.  The technologies we have at hand which (quoting Welsch talking about the Numa Numa meme) evokes "new forms of expression, new forms of community, new forms of identity" allow us connect more widely than ever before and in doing so maybe we will understand ourselves better.

Come on Clara, sing along - you know you want to!

I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves

I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company

I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills "Ah, peace throughout the land"

(That's the song I hear)
I'd like to teach the world to sing (that the world sings today)
In perfect harmony